the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
