so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
