I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
