yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
