I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
