Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
