I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
