using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
