You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
