If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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