You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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