It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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