His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She needs sedatives and a leash
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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