So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
