When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
