Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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