"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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