i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
