I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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