I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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