She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
