My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
