That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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