toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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