They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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