She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
