Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
