Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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