What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
