it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
