I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
