She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
