Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
