I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
