I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
