Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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