Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
