She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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