I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
