so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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