I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
