i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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