Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
