This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
