i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
