I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
