I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
