I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
