that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
