the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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