Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
