why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
