yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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